A marriage post

About a month ago I had a doctors appointment for a physical check-up. For procedure, one of the nurses had to weigh and measure my height for hospital records.

She made me sit on a type of scales slash sofa thingy and took my height in centimeters.

I swallowed simultaneously looking forward to and fearing the results.  

However, the actuality of my height was quite graceful here.

After the usual admirable comments by strangers and even hate ("giant") for it, 

I stand at six foot. It is quite size-able for my weight. 

I was a slim child, which never translated into my adolescence well. I have always been a snacker and a sugar baby, and my pre-teen discovery of white bread meant love-handles at eleven. That ancient baby pudginess have become my caricature, to the extent that my sister stuffed shirts round her belly to poke fun at my 'iconic' silhouette without outright slamming my looks.

Those mountain-legs (as I call them) stick out from the sides + make my skinny jean slip down.

I am not 'wife material', as you probably have gathered from by now, not at this moment. 

I just think that the typical dream wife for the average Muslim male, is dainty, fair skinned, very slim which I am not. 

At this 6 foot height of mine carrying this weight and with dark mahogany skin many act disinterested, which speaks as much to the shallowness and immaturity of some of our brothers as well as their own internal issues with colorist and weight politics.

The womanist on the surface of me says flip 'em, strut and if a man wants to marry for anything except religion, then he need to do some shoegazing. 

But because of my fragility, I have fallen for the white supremacist beauty standards which has so easily cracked me, being born plus raised in Western Europe.  

I have fried and stretched my hair as far as it can go beyond my shoulders. Been on weight-watchers and slimming world - its fine.

Its not going to work, and by how hard it is to get married for most Muslims (I guess a lot of it come from us not looking at the bigger picture of marriage), I'll be single for a while longer!

- By Laila Ali Haid

Arrogance and Self-Admiration

My current raaqi has figured that I have some sort of sihr problem.

So the sheikh has put me on a shifa regime focusing on morning supplications, sunnah foods and sticking by my daily prayers.

I find it refreshing to start my day with the above instructions. For example the Prophet Muhammad -peace and blessings be upon him said :

"During your sleep, Satan knots three knots at the back of the head of each of you, and he breathes the following words at each knot, 'The night is, long, so keep on sleeping,' If that person wakes up and celebrates the praises of Allah, then one knot is undone, and when he performs ablution the second knot is undone, and when he prays, all the knots are undone, and he gets up in the morning lively...otherwise he gets up dull and gloomy. "

Sahih Bukhari--   Volume 4, Book 54, Number 491 (Narrated by Abu Huraira)

No wonder why people have such miserable mornings! Because they do not follow what rights their bodies have on them. 

To get up at dawn to praise your Creator would surely put light on your mood.  I find it quite effective therapy. 

Furthermore, to establish the dawn prayers is a mercy from Allah.

Muslims believe that we are the creation and servants of Allah (God Almighty). He spends and withholds as He wills and we are subject to His divine decree.

Therefore, we should be thankful to Allah - for decreeing that we live another day to witness the daily prayers, especially the dawn salaat as many struggle to wake up in time for it.

But the physical act of getting up and preparing ablution is not the end in our efforts for fajr.

How many people feel an achievement for being able to manage fajr on time. Especially when you are not used the regularity of it.

I want the reader to think about it;  if you are someone who doesn't usually get up on time for fajr for whatever reason and makes it up later

and alhamdulilah you get up one morning to find yourself just before sunrise and you do dawn salaat

And I remind myself firstly, but do you thank Allah for this accomplishment or do you attribute it to yourself,

and I think the first is more likely for someone who is used to establishing morning prayers?

If you think about it from this scenario - person a struggles with grades throughout high school and  is finally able to get their GPA high enough in their senior year to apply to a good college compared person b who gets consistently good marks so is accepted to multiple top schools.

Some expect person a to constantly reference their past with gratitude and for the b type person to be really up themselves (lol).

But it could be the other way round -  especially when it is unexpected, one would context their success on themselves.

Allah hates arrogance, for his servants to be haughty.

So what I am trying to say  - is that the more you increase in worship the more humble you should be.

We all need the grace and mercy of Allah but those who are irregular in good deeds like myself need this reminder more than anyone else.


- By Laila Ali Haid